... I have speech. I am with speech

^A modified quote from Seinfeld :)

I haven't updated this blog in a long time...
Long time has it when I had no feelings...
But the past month has just been horrifyingly... deathly... scary.
It's been a rollercoaster....
To who I'm writing this for:
I have so much to say to you.
Even though for the next three days, I will try hard to forget you, to erase you from my mind, I hope I am not successful. Why? Because I think we truly have something special between us, and it's not just a matter of liking you or not.
Do I even like you now?
Still?
Because, you know, I want to decide. Because I just want to get on with my life... but a part of me wants to wait...
Because I think you're worth waiting for, and that I want to help you. I don't think you're eternally cursed, because I'd do anything to get this curse off your back. I swear on my life that you lose it if you let me help you, but it's up to you.
Insecurity is what makes magic shine, but it's what makes us scared. In a trick, when a card disappears, or when a card appears, or when a coin appears behind your ear, it's the good surprise your waiting for, but in real life, insecurity may mean death around the corner.
All I want to say to you is that, even if we may have these insecurities, we can get over them. I know this may not be just a matter of insecurity or not, but trust me, I can bet on my life that there is a little insecurity problem in there.
You say I don't understand you, that I only know a face of you, but to be honest, I can basically read minds. You may not believe me, go ahead, but I'm telling you, I can sense if somethings are wrong.
I can lie to you right now and say I love you, but I don't... it's not love, it's a piece of my heart that I'm willing to share with you, and if I'm lucky enough, you would share a piece of yours.
I'm not implying anything, as implication complicates, but all I want to say, is that you matter a lot. When you tell me you'll need time alone, I'm there by your side in spirit. If you need a helping hand, I'll be there no matter what. If you want to get mad at me, I'll be your punching bag, and I'll even wipe your tears and sweat *perspiration works too* off. *Weird, yeah, but yeah.*

I want you to know, that no matter what, I'll be there for you, and I truly do care. Don't self-destruct, but if you do, I'll blow to pieces with you. Nothing matters really to me now, except you. If in these three days I still can't forget you... We'll see how it goes.

***

That felt a lot better... saying all that i wanted to say.
No goodnights? Byes work too, but there isn't a sense of warmth.

"It's like catching lightening, the chances of finding, someone, like, you....
It's one in a million, the chances of feeling, the way... we... do..."

And I feel that we do have that connection... Don't deny it. It doesn't matter, if we end up together or not, it's just that we are there for each other.

Something I wrote long time ago.

"Baby, why I am alone?
The world around me's spinning,
The lights are going crazy,
My life is out of order.
Except you're the epitome of my heart.
Unless I can find you, I'll be dead,
Before the sun rises again.
Is it so hard for me to say?
Why can't I do it?
Maybe, just maybe, because I know I love you,
But Why! Why! Do I feel like,
That you won't be there, when I need you.
I just hope you'll be there, pray to God,
The sun won't burst my empty shell,
Because I need you there for me,
For you to be my love."

- 11:04PM 22/11/08